Get You Thinking, Get You Acting

Slogans That Need Rated, Volume I

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I saw a short commercial for Hertz (car rental company) on my phone the other day. In it, a mother was on her way home to reunite with her husband and kids. Adorable. It ended on the mother’s glowing, smiling face as she video-chatted with her family on the bus ride home.  In the bottom-right of the screen, there was a slogan.

Honestly, I look at marketing a lot. I vaguely considered a marketing degree in college because of the level of attention that advertisements draw from me—especially when on a TV screen.

This specific Hertz zinger, though…it’s one killer line. It’s impactful enough that it inspired me to rate a few top catchphrases that I’ve heard in the past decade. Not very specific, but hey, who’s keeping track? Listed below is an incomplete, absolutely-subjective critique of a few of the most memorable slogans of my generation.

Hertz – “We’re here to get you there.
10/10. Beautiful. Resonates with families. Hertz is a team that will not only transport me, but they’ll also be there when I need them the most. I don’t need any friends—I have my favorite car rental agency.

Folgers – “The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.
7/10. Oof, almost a good one. Just a tiny bit too long, though, and too much reliance on the jingle aspect. It does, however, slam the nostalgia tone right in your face. I can just feel the morning sunshine blanketing the rocking chair on my front porch. Oddly, I don’t have a rocking chair.

McDonald’s – “I’m lovin’ it
6/10. The big “M” gets points for being catchy and simple, but severe points lost for being overused and irrelevant to the product it sells. I’m ‘lovin’ what, exactly? My wallet? The fries? Because I’m definitely not loving myself after having it.

Statefarm – “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
9/10. Well, they got us. The jingle has been carved into the permanent part of our brains. Probably overused, but at least the commercials are amusing. Like Hertz, State Farm is strumming those heart strings as they go for the cutesy, reliable vibe of ‘we’re here for your well-being, not your money.’ I mean, really—good neighbors don’t charge, right?

Walmart – “Always low prices. Always.
2/10. Accurate slogan, short and catchy—I just don’t like the place. +1 bonus point because I go there all the time anyway.

Mazda – “Zoom-Zoom.
9/10. Little biased here because I love my Mazda, but it is a great slogan. Short and sweet. ‘Zooming’ around can’t be a Ferrari—the word is too childish. And yet, the same word implies that my little tike has some giddy-up. The Mazda marketing member who offered “Affordable horse-power” lost by one vote in their sales meeting. (Definite true story. No, I didn’t think to record it, but I did get a few Mazda employee autographs that day, none of which will ever again see the light of day outside my Safe Deposit Box.)

TBS – “Very funny.”
6/10. Looking for funny, but Comedy Central is too vulgar? Go to TBS, where we’re kinda funny, too. Very applicable to their regularly aired shows, i.e., Seinfeld, Friends, Friends, and Seinfeld, but not relevant at all to the occasional movies. How is Divergent “very funny?” (Don’t answer that.)

I have to stop somewhere, and this was supposed to be a shorter post, so…that’s it for now. (But wait, was he actually kidding about the Mazda autographs?) If you have any slogan suggestions for a second think piece on the matter, go ahead and drop a comment. Aside from that…

Go forth and read, my minions.

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